Rugpull Capital Partners Est. MCMLXIX · Allegedly
Founded 1969 · New York · Garage

Wealth is not earned. It is diagnosed, and then removed.

For fifty-seven years, Rugpull Capital Partners has stood at the intersection of Madison Avenue instinct and Wall Street nerve. We do not chase the market. We sit across from it, we hold its gaze, and we wait for it to blink. It always blinks. It blinked in 1987. It blinked last Tuesday, at approximately 4:15 in the morning, while I was awake because the neighbors were arguing again.

From the Desk of the Founder

A gentleman does not panic. He reallocates.

There is a moment — every man who has ever built something knows it — when the room goes quiet and the only sound left is your own conviction. My father never had that moment. He had a pension, a lawn, and a handshake he was proud of. I have something better. I have vision, a folding chair, and a laptop that runs perfectly well as long as it remains plugged in, which it currently cannot be, because of a temporary and frankly bureaucratic disagreement with the power company.

That, cats, is what separates the operator from the employee. The employee sees a shut-off notice. The operator sees a voluntary reduction in non-productive overhead.

Discipline is not a feeling. It is a schedule. I rise at four. I review the charts. I diagnose. And then I go back to sleep on the futon because the charts said the same thing they have said every morning for nineteen months, which is that I should not have done any of this. Stoicism, daddy-o, is simply the ability to hear that and keep going anyway.

“Everybody wants the corner office. Nobody wants to sit in the corner of the garage, in the dark, and earn it.” Dr. Rugpull, Founder & Managing Partner
Dr. Rugpull, photographed in the firm's principal conference facility. Portrait unavailable; the firm's camera is a phone, and the phone is currently collateral.
The House Principles

Four rules. Written in 1969. Ignored by everyone, including us.

I.

Conviction Over Consensus

The crowd is always wrong. This is why we entered the position alone, exited alone, and are now, in every meaningful sense of the word, alone.

II.

Liquidity Is a State of Mind

A man with cash has options. A man without cash has focus. We have never been more focused than we are this month.

III.

Never Sell the Thesis

We sold the couch. We sold the second monitor. We sold my grandfather's watch to a man named Dale in a parking lot. We did not sell the thesis.

IV.

Legacy Compounds

Reputation outlives returns. Ours has certainly outlived ours. Build something they will talk about at the country club, or at minimum, on the subreddit.

Practice Areas

A full-service institution, operated by a full-time believer.

The firm maintains six distinct practice groups. Every group reports directly to the Managing Partner. The Managing Partner reports directly to the Managing Partner. The reporting meetings are brisk.

01

Structural Rug Advisory

Our flagship discipline. We identify the rug of poverty beneath a client's feet and remove it with surgical precision. Results have been directional.

02

Chart Pathology

Every candle is a symptom. We read the chart the way a physician reads an X-ray: confidently, out loud, and without the relevant training.

03

Legacy Token Origination

Heritage assets for the discerning holder. Each token is minted in the firm's principal facility, between the water heater and the recycling.

View all practice areas

What the Street Is Saying

The firm does not solicit praise. It arrives regardless.

“I have asked this man to stop emailing me. He has interpreted this as a request for a second newsletter.”

— Former Client, by correspondence

“He referred to my 401(k) as ‘sedentary’ and asked whether it had considered getting into better shape.”

— Brother-in-law, Thanksgiving

“Extremely confident. Wrong about everything. Somehow the most employable person I know, and he is not employed.”

— Anonymous, Discord

The Quarterly Dispatch

Notes on markets, mastery, and the alternator.

Vol. LVII
No. 04

On Patience, and the Fourteen-Day Grace Period

The market rewards the man who can wait. So, it turns out, does the utility company, though considerably less so, and only once.

Vol. LVII
No. 03

Diversification Is Cowardice Wearing a Nice Suit

They will tell you to spread the risk. I put it all in one place, and now I know exactly where it is, which is more than most investors can say.

Vol. LVII
No. 02

The Board Meeting: A Study in Silence

Convened 6:00 a.m. Present: the Managing Partner, and Barnaby. Barnaby abstained. Barnaby is a cat. The motion carried unanimously.

Read the full dispatch

A Closing Thought

They are not laughing at you. They are laughing near you.

Learn the difference and you will never need a salary again. I have not needed one since 2021. Some mornings I want one very badly. That want is just the market testing my resolve, and I intend to fail that test on my own terms, on my own schedule, in my own garage.

Read our disclosures

This is a work of satire — every person, firm, statistic, and quotation on this site is invented. Full disclosures.